Headlines
The following are headlines from recent news items and press releases—and the responses they might have gotten from readers.
Declining Mental Skills Can Catch You Unaware
Duh?
Alien Cells May Cause Arthritis in Women
Agent Mulder, get in here.
Chemical Flame Retardant Found in Salmon
Is dinner ready yet? The never-ending barbecue.
GM Trout Not Always the Biggest and Best
That’s why I buy my trout from Toyota.
Infants Speak When They Cry
We just can’t hear them over all of the ruddy noise.
Americans Overestimate Survival After CPR
But usually only once.
Sex Hormone Could Help Mental Health
Tell that to the average teenage male.
More Letters from Home
Not wishing to appear sexist or exclusionist, we wanted to honor our fathers in their special month. Good for writing more than checks and providing keys for the car, dear old Dad has taken a few moments to tell us his views on life, the universe, and where to get good pizza.
Pappa et al. Low-dose ranitidine for the relief of heartburn. Aliment. Pharmacol. Ther. 1999, 13, 459–465. (I told him not to order the hot peppers.)
Poppa et al. Endothelial NO synthase is increased in regenerating endothelium after denuding injury of the rat aorta. Arterioscler. Thromb. Vasc. Biol. 1998, 18, 1312–1321. (Another heart-to-heart talk between father and son.)
Pop E. Nonpsychotropic synthetic cannabinoids. Curr. Pharm. Des. 2000, 6, 1347–1360. (Obviously, Papa wasn’t a Rolling Stone.)
Pater et al. Alkylation of isobutane with 2-butene over a HFAU zeolite. Composition of coke and deactivating effect. Ind. Eng. Chem. Res. 1999, 38, 3822–3829. (Then again, maybe he was.)
Pere et al. Hepatic amino acid metabolism during hyperinsulinemia and hyperaminoacidemia in conscious rabbit during late pregnancy. Metabolism 1994, 43, 1079–1085. (After the seventh child, dad would do anything to keep that darned rabbit alive.)
Say That Again
I once gave a talk at a chemical conference at which I was allotted 15 minutes. I must have done a good job—either that or they were desperate for speakers—because I was invited to give the talk again at a conference in Canada. I agreed to do so; it wouldn’t require any additional preparation. Then I heard nothing from the organizers until a few days before the conference, when I found out that they wanted me to talk for 75 minutes. Somewhat alarmed, I complained to a colleague. “Don’t worry,” he said, “a gas expands to fill the available volume.”
Please send your work-related stories to the Editorial Office 1155 16th St N.W., Washington, DC 20036. If your humor is published, you will receive either a Today’s Chemist at Work T-shirt or coffee mug. |
